We used to be initiated into manhood; now we are hazed into manhood. In middle school, bullies used to single me out. I think I was an easy target. I wasn’t tough or popular. They used to ask, “why are you so sensitive?” But they weren’t looking for an answer. They were looking to get […]
I was recently invited to facilitate a discussion about pornography and sexuality with a classroom full of 7th grade boys. With this being such an important and rarely-addressed topic for boys at this formative age, I was happy to say yes. Research shows that 73 percent of youth (93% of boys and 62% of girls) […]
A Single Fateful Moment 6:44am – Jan 21st, 2015: Bicycle wheels slice through humid air in the quiet pre-dawn darkness, as I glide down the winding pavement road. Car lights illuminate the faintly falling rain, as the drivers rush past. Loud waves of speeding light dissipate into darkness, as my tired eyes strain to re-focus […]
I’ve spent most of my life with a mask on. It’s painful to admit, but it’s true. I’ve worn the mask of numbness in an attempt to protect myself from rejection and disappointment; I’ve worn the mask of superficial satire in an attempt to find belonging with my peers; and I’ve worn the mask of […]
For many years, I was ashamed of my masculinity. I was deeply disturbed by all the aggression, misogyny, and violence that I saw being perpetrated by men – across many different cultures. It seemed that being a “real man” meant being a violent, angry asshole. And that’s not who I wanted to be, so I […]
If you are a human being alive in the 21st century, chances are you have an opinion about porn. Maybe you use it; maybe you don’t. Maybe you think it’s good; maybe you think it’s bad; maybe you think it’s none of my business. Fine. The bottom line is this: “Four billion dollars a year […]
I don’t know what it’s like to be anyone but me But I can’t truly know myself until everyone is free I didn’t build this culture of injustice and bigotry But I receive the benefits of systemic inequitySo many folks preach the post-racial philosophy […]
I always wanted to belong; to feel connected, feel loved, feel alive. I wanted people to like me, to respect me, to recognize my contribution in the world. I wanted to do something worth remembering, to create something beautiful, to help heal the suffering. I wanted my life to matter. But I was afraid. I […]
I remember hearing the story of a man who retired after a 30-year office career. He was astonished and saddened to discover that, looking back, it was as if every day was the same. It felt like the past 30 years of his life was only memorable enough to fill a single day; like he […]
I grew up never telling anyone that I loved them. Not even my parents. The word “love” used to feel too feminine, too emotional, too vulnerable. As a young man impacted by old masculine norms, there was no room for love in my vocabulary. Even with my best friend, the closest I got to expressing […]
Hazed Into Manhood: Inviting A Return To Sacred Male InitiationMarch 16, 2021 - 5:09 pmWe used to be initiated into manhood; now we are hazed into manhood. In middle school, bullies used to single me out. I think I was an easy target. I wasn’t tough or popular. They used to ask, “why are you so sensitive?” But they weren’t looking for an answer. They were looking to get […]